Notes of a reformer

There are many ideas running through my head these days. And as I scour the Scriptures for the will of God, and rest in the presence of God the Holy Spirit, I have found that I can't seem to keep these thought organized.

God save the Church.

-We severely underestimate the power of God.
-The essence of revival is not a pursuit of an outpouring of God the Spirit, as much as it is the Spirit himself. I'm exploring these concepts. I wonder if the heart of the Holy Spirit is 'revival', as if to say, 'if you were to be filled with the Holy Spirit, your heart would beat revival.'
-I believe revival is a daily thing. Roy Hesson, has a great book on revival called "The Calvary Road." He speaks of revival, as God pouring living water into the cup of a believer.
-Roy goes on to say: God will not pour the living water into a 'dirty cup'. He talks passionate about repentance and holiness.
-Nehemiah 9:20 "You gave your good Spirit to instruct them and did not withhold your manna from their mouth and gave them water for their thirst"
-Psalm 42:1-2 "As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?"
-Jesus promises us, if we thirst, he will satisfy our thirst. So let's thirst!
-The road, the Calvary road, the road of the cross of Christ, taking up that cross, it will require suffering.
-Revival will mean suffering.
-We need to know the sufficiency of Christ, and receive the power of the Holy Spirit for ministry. We are commanded in Scripture to be filled with the Holy Spirit, but we (mostly I have in the past) think that this means at the moment of our conversion to Christ, we have received Him to the fullest.
-'Tis true! The fullness of Christ is in us, but the Holy Spirit is a mystery. We must live in the Spirit, walk in the Spirit, and die to our flesh, to be filled with the Spirit.
-Without holiness, there shall be no rapture.
-The first fruits of revival, must be brokenness, a contrite-spirit, confession, and repentance. Read Nehemiah 1. Read the rest of the book, to see the revival that took place.
-More to come.

Grace and peace.

Am I to weep silently!?

I woke up this morning, after a wonderful night. Ready to: start coffee, sit down and enjoy it, blog about Hebrews 10 and something the Lord has put on my heart, get ready for church and begin the day. But instead I'd like to go on a rant. Raise your hand if that bothers you...
...
No one...?
...Okay! Great. I want you all to take a look at this: "Wash Away Your Sins: Towelette"
I want it to affect you, I want it to hurt you, and I want you to remember it. I'm choosing to place it right along side the following text from the book of Jeremiah. I think you'll find it appropriate.

Jeremiah 7:19,20
Is it I whom they provoke? declares the LORD. Is it not themselves, to their own shame? Therefore thus says the Lord GOD: behold, my anger and my wrath will be poured out on this place, upon man and beast, upon the trees of the field and the fruit of the ground; it will burn and not be quenched."

I think I know what Samson felt like in Judges 16:30 now. Honestly, if this sort of thing does not disgust you... if you don't want to 'turn the tables over,' I question the Holy Spirit within you. I do!

It's this time of year man. People start losing their minds, I swear. Consider this: How many 'professing' non-Christians do you think actually buy this. Of the actual purchases I'm willing to bet maybe 10%. The sad truth is, this sinful product is marketed to professing "Christians!" (Or Fictians, right?) I can almost imagine it: a few church-goers and their lukewarm sidekicks are out buying presents. Harmless, until they come upon this product. Maybe they laugh, maybe they gasp, maybe they buy it just to show people how funny it is, maybe they think it's actual "Christian" (given the cultural mistakes of our day, I wouldn't be surprised), maybe... just maybe they actually believe it will help them. This is the spiritual equivalent of accepting a drink from Satan with a 'roofie' in it.

But do not participate with it! Be fervently against this devilry. Do be cautious that the well-being of your soul is at stake the more you involve yourself with this Godlessness. It's not just about the fact that they are mocking God (or at least trying to in vain, right, because we know in the end, God will not be mocked!). It's about the false gospel! The audacity of this proclamation. And then even to market it for profit! HOW DARE THEY!

2 Timothy 3:1-5
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

And so the last days approach. With all kinds of evil, even new kinds unknown to the world thus far. Be on your gaurd, and be in prayer. Pray for revival, and pray for discernment. Pray that God would have mercy on us. Pray that He would save many, many, many more.

So I plead because He bled.

This is the third post of a chain starting with "Not for our sake, but for His" I recommend starting there. Thanks.

Let us pray.

-Glorious exalted God. Prepare our hearts for the conviction that is from the Spirit. Rekindle the fire of our first love passion for Jesus, and give us great clarity. Clarity that we, by your esteemed grace, will accept the truth of your Scriptures, and repent of all that is unpleasing to you.
For your glory, and in your Name. Jesus.
Amen.

Matthew 16:13
Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say that the Son of Man is?"
- Notice that Jesus is not asking any one disciple, but rather asking all of his disciples.
16:14-16
And they said, "Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets." He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simon Peter replied, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."
- Hahaha aww... I love Peter. Amen!
Matthew 16:17-19
And Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."
- So the disciples told him. "Well Jesus, people are talking, and no one really knows who the Son of Man is." So Jesus gets to the heart of the matter. "..who do you say that I am?" Notice that Peter replied. He was asking all the disciples but here we see the heart of Peter, so eager to please and so child-like in faith.
- "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God!"
Amen! Praise be to God!
- Then Jesus' does not bless Peter, but rather reveals that Peter is blessed. Jesus tells Peter that man did not reveal this to him, but rather God the Father did! Can you imagine that? I can only imagine that Peter looked around at the disciples with a smirk on his face. "Did you hear that guys? Blessed am I. Take a look at me, Simon Bar-Jonah, you guys could learn a little something by paying attention to me."
- I'll tell you what guys. Jesus is LORD! Jesus is the Son of the living God, and He alone is the Christ. Only through him can we be saved. And another thing, this has been revealed to me by God the Father! I have not come to know this apart from His grace! No one has. Let's read on though.
16:20
Then he strictly charged the disciples to tell no one that he was the Christ.
- Is not that a weird thing to say? "Yes! Praise be to my Father, that He has blessed you Peter. But now, do not tell anyone the truth." Not only does Jesus say not to speak of this revelation, he strictly charged them not to. You see, the Hebrew people had an idea of what the Messiah was to be like. They thought he was supposed to come and be king! Rule on the throne of David, destroy the Romans, and establish the country of Israel forever, and walk with them! But as we are to find out...this was not the plan of God's Christ. We are far from the point, let us go on.
Matthew 16:21
From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.
- Jesus began to preach the gospel to his disciples! He's already laid the foundation of repentance (Hebrews 6) Now, he's preaching the truth of the gospel, before it has even happened.
16:22
And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, "Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you." But he turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man."
- And Peter, who had just recently been so esteemed before the rest of the disciples is utterly rebuked. First let me set this up. In those days, it was impossible to even think, that a disciple would correct his teacher, let alone rebuke him. It would never happen, because it was considered a vicious insult.
- Yet this is exactly what happens. Now it has been often taught, that this is the worst rebuke that Jesus ever gave to anyone (even considering the Pharisees), and it is. That is true. But what is often left out, is that Jesus rebukes Peter in love. I have heard this verse read with a scream "Get BEHIND ME SATAN!" and I have heard it proclaimed in a harsh dry voice "Ghet Thee BeeHyyndth ME Sayton!"
- But let me submit this to you. Jesus spoke it in a whisper, but stressed it in a plea! As if to say "Why would you say that to me, don't you see Peter!? I don't want to suffer! But I must! For the sake of the Father! And for you! For all of you! Don't try and stop me Peter please!" It was spoken with such love, that Peter did not flee for the hills, or utterly turn from Christ. But we find instead that he pursued him all the more.
- Now, we come to the climax of what God was showing me. I am Peter. This is me. For surely even in pride I can not say that I am Christ in this passage. I know that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God. Yet I am trying to take him down from the cross! "Don't go there Jesus!" "Don't get on that cross, you will suffer." Why am I admitting this you might ask? Well listen to what Jesus says next.
Matthew 16:24-25
Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
- I have been calling Christ down from the cross, since he told me I had to pick it up and follow him. All of us have at some point. Many of you still are! In Matthew 27:42 it says "He saved others; he cannot save himself. He is the King of Israel; let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him." You see!? Come down Jesus, it will make it easier on us, if we don't have to follow you in this way. The way of Christ, the path of the disciple is one of great suffering and pain. For it is the way of the cross. I am not saying we will be without joy and peace! But these two things do not depend on our comfort or happiness. Be aware! Jesus says 'he who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.' To bear the cross is to deny yourself! And so I urge you, as Christ the Son of the living God has urged me, take up your cross brothers! Take up your cross, not for your sake, not for your life, but that others might live! That others might see Jesus alive in you! Not for our happiness, but for the glory of God!

Brothers, take up your crosses!

This is a continuing of "Not for our sake, but for His", I reccommend reading that post before this one. Thanks.

It was not always this way.
I often delighted in the 'comfort' I received from my church. I believed that the soft, warm, feeling of safety, was a 'blessing of God.' I confess now, that it is for my own happiness that I would go to church. I never questioned the songs we sang, or the way we sang them. The thought had scarcely occurred to me that any church was different from my church.
It was not always this way.
I remember once, thinking, how come I raise my hands when I sing "Once His enemy, now seated at His table...Jesus Thank You!" and no one else does? It must be because I've only heard this song 4-5 times in church, and everyone else has heard it 400-500 times. I slowly lowered my hand to the curt-smiles of my fellow-church-goers. I almost heard them say "That's a good boy, you're young so you did not understand. Raising your hands is just flashy, and unnecessary. That's better is it not, there now you are acting like a Christian." Then a dear brother of mine took me to Brooklyn Tabernacle Church for their weekly prayer meeting. To my awe of God's power, 3,000 people were drawn out on a Tuesday night, to pray. To pray! I would not have dreamed such a feeling, such a site. And the first words I heard... "fellow children, let us lift our hands in prayer to our God." The rest was a blur of blessings, as I shot up my hand, almost racing the other 2,999 people to the limit of their reaches.
It was not always this way.
Soon I began to discover, that there are two "Christianity's" in America. (I say America, for I do not know the world.) One of these is false, the other is true.
Let's talk about the false "Christianity" first. Even in my own typing I can not bear the pain of tagging the title of Christianity to what this heresy represents. I guess I will call it Fictianity.

Fictianity
What lies! Do tell me how the Scriptures allow for a worldly life?! Do please enlighten me how we, as the children of God, can possibly go on sinning without repentance!? The church of America is not the Church of God. The church of America, holds no position in the Body of Christ. The church of America preaches a false gospel.
It will be said, or has been said to you: "Have you invited Christ into your heart?" "Did you confess that Christ was Lord at the age of 5, in childhood bible school?" Only to follow with a heretical comment such as "Then you're saved, for 'there is no condemnation for those in Christ." It was never ever described in the great commission of Christ (Matthew 28) to "Get people to say my name with a smile, so that I can give them a mansion in heaven!"
What vile debauchery! Are we drunk!?
We were never called to make a judgement on 'whether or not a person is saved.'
"Oh but Michael does it not say 'you shall know them by their fruits.'"
-"Twist not Scripture, lest ye be like Satan."
Indeed it does say we 'shall know them by their fruits.' And I know a sour apple when I taste it! I will not feed upon the figs of venom any longer. For the fruits of sin are death!

Enough of this rubbish. Let us rid ourselves of false doctrines, and Fictianity. Let us, stop wearing the world and keeping Jesus in our pocket. Vin once said "People go on sinning, breaking out the Jesus-Christ-credit-card when ever we sin. 'oops I sinned, let me charge it on Jesus' blood.'"

Christianity
As I have found, a few weeks ago... and brothers and sisters, this walk together is just beginning, Christianity can be described in a few words.
"Take up your cross and follow me, anyone who does not pick up their cross daily and follow me, is not worthy of me."

I urge you brothers, bear the cross and scorn its shame (Hebrews 12:1-3), for the joy set before you. I remind you joy is not happiness, happiness is not joy (this topic for another day). Repent I beg you, and take a way of pain, for the glory of God. We must lose our lives for His sake to keep them, not seek to keep our lives for our sake to lose them.

Alas, more to come. We will be talking about Matthew 16:13-28 next time.

Not for our Sake, but for His.

There is much, that has happened since my last post. In fact, a job change, two living location changes, my brother in Christ (Josh) got married to my sister in Christ (Nicole), they moved in together, another friend got engaged, another friend is pregnant, my wife got in a car accident, our car got totaled, and much much more.
This blog however is not too much about my private-personal life, but my public-personal life, the life that I have in Christ, and the life that is not mine but His.
Among the changes I have listed thus, I have failed to mention the incredible change the Holy Spirit is doing in me. Cutting down my roots of pride, destroying my 'figs of venom,' and truly changing me. It is going to be a walk, that I hope we can take together. I hope what God the Father has revealed to me through God the Spirit, by grace, he may reveal it to you by the same grace.
It all began at the start of this new job. My current occupation, has allowed me to spend much time in prayer, and conversation with another brother in the Lord. His name is Vin. I will tell you that Vin and I have had a lot of obstacles in the way of our unification as the children of God, but we were never at an impasse due to the glorious grace - God has poured out on us. Perhaps more on that subject later.
I have found that Vin and I share the same disgust for the 'cultural Christianity' of our day. This is the 'bread of the pharisee's' in our generation, and it has become a vile plague which we fear has the same spiritual finality of the Islamic religion.
Regardless, I'm writing this entry in the hopes that the point of this blog will change dramatically. At one time it was basically an online prayer journal. I'm not displeased with what it was, but God is telling me to turn it into something more.
Perhaps better described. God wants me to be a scribe. He is telling me to record the changes in my life, not alone for the benefit and encouragement of others, but also for my own exhortation. That what our Father is doing is permanent and everlasting within me. That by His grace, I will no longer return to the drudge of worldliness, but that when sanctified, the process, the pruning, the cultivation, will not be in vain! Rather, that it would sustain and the 'figs of venom' I was bearing as fruit, will be burned up, and nothing but the fruit of life will spring forth from me.
So let us walk together. As we pursue God. I encourage replies, and questions. Let me, by the power of the Holy Spirit, in me, exhort you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, to stand up for the Truth. That Truth which is God the Father, Son, Spirit. For we must surely realize, that if we do not stand up for Him, those who stand against Him, will use us as doormats. And our fate will be to lick the mud off the sin-stained boot of the enemy.

'Idol' banter

A bunch of my friends and I are thinking about getting back into a video game we used to play.

Sounds like a harmless thing, I suppose.


So let me fill you in why this is a choice subject to record and blog about.


While I was dating Tara, and before I knew Jesus my life was:
Marijuana and liquor
Sex on the weekends,
FF XI (the video game) on the weekdays.


Sure I worked. But only enough to pay the monthly fee for FF XI. No that's not true. I need a substantial amount of money to support my drug habbits. For instance, about 2 - 3 grams of pot a day, runs you about 30-50 bucks a day. And the liquor and weed combo once every week or two, runs you about 100 bucks.


So... Lets say I worked enough to make about 200 bucks for my weed habbit, and about 100 bucks for the liqour (per week). Also smoked cigarettes, that's 5 bucks a day, so about... 150 bucks a month. The game is 14 dollars a months, so in reality it's cheap.


But here's the thing about the game. In three years I had accumulated 270 days playtime.


...That's right. About 6480 hours played.


Divide that by 20, and I could've planned and preached about 324 sermons.
Divide that by 2, and I would've gone to 3240 small group meetings.
At an 8.00 dollar wage that's about 51,840 dollars.
I could drive to Myrtle Beach and back 231 times.
I could drive to Walt Disney Land in California and back 90 times.
Driving in general, at the speed limit, I would've gone 421, 200 miles.
Do you know that the Earth (at the equator) has a circumference of 24,902 miles.
--That means I would traveled around the earth almost 17 complete times.

If only I gave God that time.

Alas, no one knows what could've been. The reality is we're thinking about playing this again.
2-3 hours a week, 2-3 times a week.
Meditating and praying on it as we speak. I'll let you know how it goes.

Jesus protect me and my wife, from myself.
In Jesus' name
Amen.

Early Morning at Work.

Sabbath.

I'm at work at the moment, and my mind is on sabbath. If that doesn't give you a hint as to how my day is going, let me give you a better explanation.

I got to work 45 minutes early today, driving the slow lane the whole way. How? I left at 20 of seven. Why? Because I am worried that my Saturn is going to blow a cylinder and vomit it out of my engine block at 4000 rpm.

Anyway, I walk up to the door, only to find them locked. As a temp I don't have a key. Also, as a temp it's hard to explain to the people with keys, that the only reason I'm tailing them into the building is because I want to get to work.

7:35 rolls around, and I found someone I could bum a card-swipe from, and I thanked her as she lit up another menthol. It has only been about an hour, and I've already accumulated a day's worth of work on my desk. I should be praising God instead, I'm praying for God's mercy to get me out of this job.

My brain is swamped with the anxiety of the young adult ministry, the prospect of a new church plant, the growth and walk of my wife, the giving up of my teaching, the taking up of other responsibilities, our finances, the effort with which I work, the amount of exercise I get, and even the fact I'm a horrible "sabbather."

Don't pity me, infact, you should rebuke me. For a newly-wed, this is way too much on someone's plate. To go on, you could even assume, I enjoy the burdens, that I may say God is using me! God is growing me! When the shameful truth maybe I'm ignoring God's call to rest, and let go.

I can't wait to go home, read some Judges, maybe some 1 Peter, and pray. Talk to my wife, share some laughs with her, pray with her, and hopefully get to bed early.

...

Have I not prayed, take me where You will?
Have I not pleaded with You, O'Lord, be magnified through me, use me and place me where you want me?
Did I not say, O'Father in heaven, make me like the Son?

Then why does my soul stir with anxiety and depression in a disobedient way? How come I tirelessly struggle with you Father. I don't want to struggle anymore, I want to do what you ask me, willingly. I don't want to grieve the Spirit, the Holy Spirit within me.

I've heard it said Father, "It is easy for me to do what the Lord commands."

Friends, and brothers alike: imply that if I find difficult your commands, I am in sin!

But O'God, look not away from your servant, I eagerly long to see your face. I pray your hand upon my heart daily, and fervently seek the completion of your kingdom. I confess to you I am a sinner O'God, a sinner! I drove the nails, I slandered Jesus' name, I called Him a liar, forgive me! I now only wish to be humble and obedient.

It is hard for me to love, but I try. It is hard for me to serve, but I try. It is hard for me to pray, but I try. It is hard for me to obey, but I try. Father, must I keep trying? Must I toil O'God day and night before you?

Deliver me from selfish ambition, wrongful doing, lovelessness, self-worth, disobedience, impaired vision, violent speech, slothful living, sexual imorrality, flagrant slander, stiffness of neck, pride and all its shadows, grumbling, physical ailment, condemnation, aggression, and temptation.

Restore unto me the joy of your salvation O'Lord! Be strong in me O'God, for I am weak, I am weak Father! I have not but the Spirit of your Son, in me. Please O'Lord be strong in me.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.

Glory and Love

Incomming.
- 06/17

Decided to finish this post today, while orginally I logged into to finish another, or should I say start another.

Either way, this was supposed to be in regard to two specific doctrines of Christianity. The doctrine of Trancendance and the doctrine of Immanence.

Lemme 'splain.

Transcendance is the belief that God, is infinitely unique in comparison to all creation. After all He is the Creator, we are the creations. It's a very logical doctrine if you think about it. The transcendant God, is God who is above His creation. Our God is unique; He is transcendant.

Immanence is the belief that although God is sovereign over His creation, He is so, in a way that He is involved in all creation. That involvement is so deep and complex, that only God can be involved in such a way. Again another logical doctrine, based on scripture, that I feel does a great job of describing God's brilliant involvement with His creation.

God is worthy of worship and praise because of His transcendance. He alone deserves the glory, for He is worthy.
God is worthy of our admiration and adoration because of His immanence. He deserves our love, for He is Love.

Trail Mix and Methodology

*crunch*

Sorry I'm chewing on peanuts and M&M's™ at the moment. I'm a little distracted by the lure of trail-mix, but all the while I'm trying to update what I feel to be a meaningless online journal. Either way I'm having a hard time of concentrating on either one.

*munch*

For some reason...

*chew*

Anyway, last night was Part 2 of the Thinking Christianity class, led by James Foster. After a short discussion on last week's lesson, we moved on to a small study of Methodology. Hmm... I'm not sure exactly what to say about all that. I'm interested in this, but only as a source of supplication, rather than as a means for understanding.
I believe Scripture is the highest authority, but I don't believe it's the only authority.
For instance, I look to Pastor Randy for additional council about some of my life's biggest choices. That being said, a challenge to myself would be, have I looked to scripture first, have I sought God's council first?
I'd like to say "Yes! Of course, who else would I go to!"
But, I haven't always. Though I will say since coming back from my honeymoon, God has began such a work of destruction in my life... that honestly has built up my faith tremendously. Praise God!
The truly scarry thing is, I have yet to know the faith of a mustard seed.

*scrumf*

There was a tough topic we came across. About Catholicism vs. Protestantism. I noticed I have an over-developed tumor of animosity towards Catholics. Also I noticed many theologians, don't agree with me on my ideas of what Christianity means.
Basically, and I mean basically... Christianity to me, is the path which all members of the body of Christ cling too. Christianity is a second birth. It is the sum of the scriptures that dictate and rebuke said members in leading a life born of the Spirit. It is not a religion, but rather the lifestyle of true life, and that life is through Jesus the Christ. True Christianity, is the true body of Christ, it is the true Church and out of shear fear of the Lord, the word Christianity should be treated with a little more respect. (Along with words like redemption, salvation, grace, and eternity, but that's a different topic).
I've come to understand, that theologians and philosphers define Christianity, very differently than I do. That being said. This is why theology is like tinkering with a time-bomb.

Perhaps said theologians are relying on the traditions and not the scriptures, to determine the definition of Christianity. Interestingly enough, it is this accusation many theologians use to describe the unreformed doctrine of the Catholic church. Going on, perhaps it is me who is not allowing traditions to influence my definition of Christianity. Perhaps it is me, who has reserved the 'highest authority' for my own thoughts and ideals, and not allowing Scripture to reign above me.

Tick...tick...tick... Just a dangerous time-bomb.

*crunch*

In the forest...

No comments, usually means no readers.

Yet I keep posting on occasion. Though I can't figure out why, I take some solice in being able to do so. I know that Christ is watching, and guiding my words.

I suppose a man in God's will, must be comfortable with being alone.

Have you ever heard the saying "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
- To which I usually reply, "Does that even matter at all? If no one heard it, who cares if it made a sound or not? Honestly, what is the significance of the answer to such a question anyway?"

So I think about this: "If a preacher preaches in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does he preach at all?"
- To which I reply, "Ouch..."

So much to say...but I shall save it for now, because the trees and the moss, have heard enough.

I know you are listening Lord. I just hope my words aren't spoken in the forest. Alas, O'God, I only aim to please you. Do what you will, for you know the right way of all things.
In Jesus' name.
Amen

Theology/Theologian

In secret, I've always thought I was something of a brilliant mind. Not to say this feeling lingers, in fact, the more I come to know about my Lord, and especially come to know about His children, the more I find, I'm just two steps away from flippin' burgers at an imaginary fast-food joint in a room with padded walls.

Which I doubt is where God wants me. Breaking down theology into its core meaning, has become quintessential to understanding God, and also understanding God's creation, myself. It was a very large lesson, with some interesting discussions, but basically, I've come to identify theology as the study of the thinking about God, through Christ, the Logos. Essentially, the ability to reason is a direct result of being made in God's image and likeness. Because Christ is the definition of reason, as He alone is the reason for all things, it is only logical that He would create us with the inherent ability to think about and to know Him. The implications of this, are as profound as they are dynamic. We can come to a conclusion that God's will, is that we seek to know Him, through thought about Him.

This leads me to believe the practice of theology will be vast and scary, simply because the object of theology is God Himself. So last night's lesson came with a flat out warning. Which I appreciated. Thinking about God should be approached with caution, care, meekness, and fear; subsequently He should be revered with awe, humility, truth, spirit, and love.

Thinking-on, I should say that theology should more or less be defined as, A creation's balanced thinking about its Creator, in regard to the Creator's balance in His creation.

I'll end with a few notes from last night that I wrote down:
-The created are, because the Creator is.
-Theology is logos about theos, all logos derives from the Logos, Jesus.
-Doing theology is somewhat like being around a bomb, or an untame lion.
-God is what He has, and acts what He is 'simultaneously' and eternally.
-Systematic theology draws on the Philosphical, biblical and dogmatic theology; endeavors to develop a comprehensive theological account.
-The more that you come to understand God, the more that you will be intrigued by Him the more that you know Him, the more you shall love Him... so far from replacing our faith, understanding feeds it, focuses it, and makes it all the more powerful and passsionate.
-practicing theology, you are not merely thinking about God, but rather loving Him in the same way that you love other persons: by getting to know Him better faith seeking understanding is an act of love.
-A faith without works may be empirically fruitless, but works without faith are evangelically frivolous.
-Theology is not so much about getting right answers as it is about seeing reality.

Selfless-esteem

I sat staring at this screen for quite some time now. Wondering what to write. I even thought to myself, "If thinking about what to write is so difficult writing nothing is probably the right thing to do." Hmm... which in itself is something to write about.

Day after day goes by, and I am finding more to hate about myself, and more to love about the Lord. This suprisingly brightens my heart and mind. My soul rejoices! Keep this in mind as your read the following. Praise the Lord God Almighty. To him be the power and glory forever and ever. Amen.

Ever since I was a young boy, I've never had a high self-esteem. My parents were so worried about my anger, and attitude that they brought me to psychiatrists. In my heart, I knew they meant well, still...
Still...
Just... imagine yourself in my shoes.
-You're 10 maybe 11, you go to school ea. morning with your overweight backpack and double-knotted sneakers. You find school boring, because you're reading on a higher level than the kids your age, and you think that math is too easy. You wonder why every other child seems to be smiling so much, and you come home everyday to watch your mother walk out leaving you behind with some random baby-sitter who wants to you to teach her how to draw. Your father shows up late, because he's working three jobs trying to avoid some monster called bancrupcy. You start to get frustrated, not at one thing, but at everything. You start to pick fights at school, and you begin to get defensive about your privacy and your family life. You claim to be sick often, so you can get sent home from school, to grab a few extra hours with mom. But that only works until the nurse learns you've been putting the thermometer on the lightbulb. You soon realize fighting gets you sent home just as fast. Then the DCF blames your mother for your anger problems, and claims if you don't show improvement they're going to take you away from her.

Still I knew who psychiatrists were, and what they did. I knew that I was there because there was something wrong with me, something everyone around me wanted fixed. I could never justify this, but the feeling was...
I just hated myself.
Why couldn't anyone understand; more importantly perhaps, didn't anyone else hate themselves the way I hated myself?

A couple years passed, and I learned how to supress my anger with lies. Highschool rolled around, and I found myself slipping into a dark-depression. The depth of which I will not discuss now. So it was back to the shrink, to keep my mom from losing her mind too. I was diagnosed with Manic Depression. Some pills were perscribed, and I took 'em for a week or so. The next week I showed up for a follow-up appointment only to find out, that I needed to increase the dose otherwise the problem would continue. I basically told the Doctor where he could put his pills, and as politely as I could, wished him a wonderful journey to Hell.

And I slipped further. Fell farther. Hit the bottom and then started falling again.

But God...

But...God...

But GOD!

...you see...what you have got to understand

He

saved

...me...

Frustrated...

Honestly I don't know what to write about.

Everyone knows that saying "Out of sight, out of mind." But that's a cliche that doesn't apply to God. Actually sometimes, I find that if the wrong things are "in" sight, than I'm out of the Spirit, and thinking through the flesh.

I just feel horribly tempted at the moment. Trying to get my mind off earthly things. Hopefuly I can just focus on God for a minute. But then again I guess the only way to do that would be to read the Word.

Ugh... I'm really upset about my current situation.

I need to rest in the Lord, and trust in Him. That what is happening to me will turn out for my deliverance.

The Lord is Mighty.

My failures, as a man, as a husband, as a friend, as a neighbor, as a brother, and or as a son; have left me with the feeling of inadequacy.

I often wonder... whether I am allowed to feel such things because it is the truth. That I am inadequate and therefore should feel so, justly.

Or is it that the devil seeks my destruction in such a way, that he choices upon my indignation and frustration, only to lather on the feelings of self-loathing and defeat; so that through those feelings my facts would be faded and my reality would be self-inflicted and undigested. Furthermore, am I too blame only the devil, or does my own nature, and my own sin-principle, my flesh, my decision, my iniquity carry some blame for the affliction. I would not be so foolish to discredit the devil of evil, but I would not be so proud as to discredit myself from any responsibility for past-actions (or lack thereof).

I am a man, made by God, for God, and I am a sinner, self-made, against God.
Additionally,
Jesus is God, made of God, for man, and He is perfect, self-made, reconciled with God.
Jesus is also man-sinless, made by God, that he might become my sin, so that I might be reconciled with God, receiving the righteousness of Jesus, that I might worship God free from the barrier of sin.

So when God looks on me, God sees Jesus. For God is Mighty.

God doesn't see Jesus, because of my adequacy, rather...
God sees Jesus before me, in me and through me, because of HIS adequacy.

The beginning is Jesus, and the end is Jesus. Jesus is the cause and effect, and he alone is the means.

You are my Lord, Jesus. My Brother, my Father, my Friend. Empower me Lord Jesus by your Holy Spirit, that I may know the Father, and be like you.
Amen

Wedding Bells

The last preparations for our wedding took place on Monday. I met with my Pastor to finalize the "wedding program." I guess it's typical that the Bride and Groom will address their guests with a small paragraph or two. Usually this paragraph falls along the lines of "thanks so much, we love each other so much, everyone looks so pretty, we totally rock, etc..." I wanted to make it a little more personal.

So what did I do? I quoted Ephesians 5:25
~about husbands loving their wives just as Christ loves his church and gave himself up for her...~
I talked about the church, I talked about Christ's devotion, and I mentioned about how I planned to approach this task with fear and trembling.
In other words... I started teaching.

Yeesh...
Yea good job Mike!
Welcome to my wedding, let's all stop to hear this quick sermon about Christ's love for his church, and how that relationship directly relates to our relationship with our wives. It may not have been bad, it probably would've been appropriate, had I narrated the text as if Tara and I both were writing it.
But did I do that? ...Take a wild guess.
Don't get me wrong, Christ is the greatest image of devotion. Or better stated: Christ himself is the greatest image. Period.

I feel this is the reason I need to learn, and be discipled as much as I can. If I am so inclined to teach, as I subconsciously begin teaching (attempting to do so, even at my own wedding), then I better be very sure I'm teaching the right things.

Additionally, there is a time and place for everything. Even good things. Even good teachings. The problem wasn't in what I was saying, it was who I was saying it to, and when. Any teacher needs to adhere to his audience, before he adheres to his lesson.

I believe God is the best example of this wisdom. Imagine if God poured out all the information of our "life-to-be" in a single moment. How much of it, would we actually be ready for? Imagine if God told scared, timid, insecure Moses, everything that was in-store for him at the time of their first meeting. Imagine, if Jesus told Saul who he was going to become, before he began to walk down that road to Damascus. I wonder if Paul would've ever been the apostle he became.

Luckily, Pastor Randy had already learned this lesson. He was able to help me. What is more impressive is Pastor Randy slowly and gently presented what was wrong with the passage I wrote. He let me figure it out on my own, and eventually with a better understanding, we were able to write something far greater. I'm not sure how he does it sometimes. I thank God for him. Which reminds me...I must thank God for my gifts as well, but we should all be in prayer: that our gifts will be grown and practiced in a holy, God-pleasing-way. Grounding are gifts in Christ Jesus, and developing them through His word, and the Holy Spirit.

God bless.